101 Boundary Scripts to Release Your Inner Bitch and Protect Your Peace
From late invoices to people who try to play in your face, here’s exactly what to say when you don't know what to say.
In Becoming a Bitch Will Save Your Life, I broke down the psychology behind people pleasing, boundaries, and tips on how to set them. Some may find it difficult to establish boundaries if they don’t know what their values are, so in my last essay, If You Don’t Stand for Something You’ll Fall For Anything, I gave the tools and frameworks you need to develop your very own values system. This week, we’re taking things a step further by turning our thoughts into action. For anyone who's new to speaking up and laying down the law, setting boundaries can feel scary as f*ck because you’re usually worried about two things: how you’re received and how you’re perceived. While it’s impossible to control someone else’s reactions, you can control the way you decide to take action against what shrinks you, disappoints you, or drains you.
I remember reading How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie years ago and learned the art of “it’s not about what you say, it’s about how you say it,” and it can also apply to setting boundaries. I like to call it being “nice-nasty”. Now I’m not talking about being rude or obnoxious to get your way, I’m talking about being pleasant, detached, yet stern when it comes to standing on business. Before starting off any statement that expresses a boundary, I begin with a positive statement before shifting into declaring what I need and what will happen next. For example, say you need to email your clients about a price hike in your products or services, rather than flat-out starting your message with “On March 31st, you will see an increase in service…,” begin by mentioning how much you value their support and loyalty before disclosing the increase. This will usually apply to people that you want to keep in your life, such as close friends, family, or even clients.
However, this won’t always apply to all case examples. Other times, you may need to be clear, direct, and straight to the point without sugarcoating sh*t. Once upon a time, long ago, my throat would grow an invisible lump that I’d choke on anytime it came to expressing my true feelings about how someone hurt me. Fast forward to today, and I have no problem letting the chopper sing. Especially when it comes at the cost of protecting my peace. If you struggle with standing up for yourself, whether it’s at work or with that situationship, it’s not your fault — you just don’t have the language to express how you’re feeling yet. From late invoices to flaky friends to toxic family and emotionally unavailable lovers, here are 101 boundary scripts to help you say exactly what you need to say in order to stand your ground in nearly every aspect of your life.
101 Boundary Scripts Index
A quick key to scroll to the sections that resonate most.
Work & Career: 1-30
Money: 31-38
Dating & Relationships: 39-58
Friendships: 59-75
Family: 76-83
Emotional: 84-92
Social Media & Technology: 93-101
a mini-review on boundary basics
Before we dive into scripts, let’s do a quick review of what a boundary is, what it’s not, and other jargon that’s just as necessary to know. A boundary is something that indicates or fixes a limit. Think of boundaries as personal guidelines we create to let ourselves and others know our needs, expectations, and capacity, but most of all, boundaries are about how you choose to respond. However, it’s important to understand the difference between boundaries, rules, requests, ultimatums, standards, and expectations. This video by Dr. Raquel Martin explains this clearly: A boundary defines your personal restrictions, such as ‘I will begin the project once the contract is signed’. ’ A rule controls someone else’s behavior and sounds like, ‘You need to sign the contract’.
Then we have requests and ultimatums, which also get confused for boundaries, so let’s clarify the distinction. A request is what you ask someone to do or not to do, and they can either accept it or reject it. It sounds like, ‘Can you sign the contract?’ An ultimatum forces someone to comply, and is usually followed up by a threat to control their behavior, such as ‘If you don’t sign the contract, I will forfeit the job’. A standard is about what you allow in your life, and your expectation is what you’re hoping others will do. So your standard would be that you surround yourself with dependable people, and your expectation would be that a person would always be self-aware. Remember — boundaries are for you, not for them. To learn more about the different kinds of boundaries, read my essay Becoming a Bitch Will Save Your Life. Without further ado, let’s begin.
101 boundary scripts to release your inner bitch and protect your peace
Disclaimer: Please note that this resource is for educational and personal development purposes only. It is not therapy, mental health treatment, or a substitute for professional advice. These tools are designed to help you reflect, create, grow, and cultivate a more meaningful relationship with our work, the world around us, and the people living in it.
Work & Career
Whether you’re climbing the corporate ladder, an entrepreneur, or a creative freelancer finding your footing, here are all the possible case scenarios to help you stand your ground in the office or online.
Your client is late on payment
Just checking in regarding Invoice #111. I totally understand that things happen. In order to manage projects consistently for all clients, all work remains paused until outstanding invoices are settled as per our agreement in section [enter clause section of agreement].
Being assigned work outside your role
This request falls outside the responsibilities of my current role. I’d be happy to discuss reprioritizing my workload or revisiting my scope with my manager.
A client or coworker messaging you after work hours
[Do not answer until the following morning.]
I’m not available after work hours. If you need my assistance, be sure to connect with me before the end of the workday, not after.
A coworker taking credit for your ideas
I want to be clear that this was my idea. Going forward, I expect my contributions to be accurately represented. If you continue to take credit for my work, I’ll address it directly with leadership.
Being interrupted in meetings
Hey, I wasn’t finished speaking. If you have any questions or additional feedback, you’re free to express yourself after I’m done.
